Comfortable Faith

I find myself at some unusual crossroads. Most of it is a similar experience to what I've encountered before - transitioning from one place to the next, from the end of one thing to the beginning of another, from the known to the unknown. Usually I've been transitioning from being a student to starting a job. But this time, things seem to be slightly different. I'm transitioning from a job to no job.... My mom worries, she told me, because I'm leaving a perfectly wonderful, well-paying job for no good reason at all. I mean, where else can you work 11 months out of the year, be paid pretty well, and find time to travel? Why do you want to give that up? My mom has often asked me these questions hoping that I might come to my senses and change my mind.

I don't admit it to her but I understand her perfectly. I mean, it doesn't make sense - from the surface. I question myself sometimes because I am, truly, leaving my comfort zone. If you look at it, at age 30, why would one want to quit such a great job after working a little more than 4 years there? Sometimes I do wonder what I'm getting myself into, and I start to find that there are these little doubts that chew away at me and I get into a whole conversation with myself that goes something like this:


Doubting voice: Come on Eun-sil! It doesn't make any sense! Look at yourself.


Eun-sil: What? Look at myself what? I know where I am....right? I know where my heart is....right?


Doubting voice: Are you sure? Your job is great! You've made a reputation for yourself. You've worked hard to get to where you are. You know how things run now. You can't complain about your pay. You get a vacation every year (or even two, at times). Your schedule is flexible. Plus, your benefits are good. Logically speaking, why leave such a good thing???


Eun-sil: Yeah.... I know.... But.... I've never been a real "logical" person. Besides.... I need to go. I can't settle for an organization that frustrates me with all its politics.


Doubting voice: Yeah, but there are politics everywhere you go! You think you would like to work for the UN or something like that?? Just look at the politics going on there right now! Don't be so naive.

......




So, you see how it goes? But every time those doubting voices have popped up, God has reaffirmed my decision to leave my current job. Sure it doesn't make sense and sure it requires me to make a leap into something totally unknown. But God requires that from me - to stretch my faith in Him. If I were in a comfortable place, exercising my faith would not really be stretching it to its limits and testing it, or even giving it an opportunity to grow. This is an opportunity for me to see where God is leading, and therefore, while common sense has no place here, it makes sense to me in God's perspective. Sure, I have no idea where He will ultimately take me; but I'll still go, on faith. Besides, I have to remember what is in my heart - I've never been a logical one....nor one for too much common sense. All I know is that a fire has been lit and where I currently am in my career is not the place where I can fuel it, or quench it for that matter. So.... off I go - no longer comfortable but leaning on faith, and ultimately, on Him.

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