Holidays, Hope, and 2013
I don't know why I wrote this but never published it. Must have forgotten. This was written in January but I'm just publishing it now. Oops!
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It has been a busy seven months since I last posted on Father's Day. So much has happened and it has been quite an emotional journey. The absence of my father makes holidays more difficult. Celebrations are always laced with some sadness as we think those words "If only dad were here...." And I've discovered I can no longer watch my wedding video as seeing my father walk down the aisle with me makes me cry. But aside from that and the fact that there is a large hole in my life, the pain of it is not as sharp as it used to be. I can sing again and I can talk about my father without tearing up as much. And although there are times when I break down just from a smell, a memory, or a dream about him, life somehow goes on and I hold on to the hope that it can only get better.
So this Christmas we spent it with my mother here in New York, although she did leave in the evening to head back to California. And that was nice--to have her here that is. I'm sure she missed him too and perhaps it would have been a bit harder to be at home in California. We all felt the absence quite strongly still, especially a few days before during my graduation. I finally finished the long road to Ph.D. and hoped that my father was watching his daughter the day I defended my dissertation as well as the day I received my ph.d. hood and walked across the stage on graduation day.What a momentous occasion it was for me. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I only wished that I could have shared it with my father....
Towards the end of last year, we celebrated a year of marriage and four years of dating with a trip to Puerto Rico, which incidentally was such great timing with the power outages that Long Island experienced with Hurricane Sandy and the nor'easter that followed. Somehow it feels like I've known my husband for much much longer than the four years; and our first of year of marriage, despite being impacted by the loss of my father, has been a great first year. And as the days go by, I am more and more amazed at what a perfect partner my husband is for me. And thanks to him the absence of my father is easier to bear.
And so 2013 has started. This is a year for changes and new horizons. It feels weird to be done with my dissertation, as much as I looked forward to this day. Now it's job applications and wondering where God will take us next. There is the hope that the changes in store for us for 2013 will be some good ones. That's the wonderful thing about the new year; it feels like a fresh, clean slate with so much hope and anticipation. And of course, I'm looking forward to making more memories with my wonderful husband.
I hope that you too had a wonderful holiday season and are looking forward with hope to the new year.
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It has been a busy seven months since I last posted on Father's Day. So much has happened and it has been quite an emotional journey. The absence of my father makes holidays more difficult. Celebrations are always laced with some sadness as we think those words "If only dad were here...." And I've discovered I can no longer watch my wedding video as seeing my father walk down the aisle with me makes me cry. But aside from that and the fact that there is a large hole in my life, the pain of it is not as sharp as it used to be. I can sing again and I can talk about my father without tearing up as much. And although there are times when I break down just from a smell, a memory, or a dream about him, life somehow goes on and I hold on to the hope that it can only get better.
So this Christmas we spent it with my mother here in New York, although she did leave in the evening to head back to California. And that was nice--to have her here that is. I'm sure she missed him too and perhaps it would have been a bit harder to be at home in California. We all felt the absence quite strongly still, especially a few days before during my graduation. I finally finished the long road to Ph.D. and hoped that my father was watching his daughter the day I defended my dissertation as well as the day I received my ph.d. hood and walked across the stage on graduation day.What a momentous occasion it was for me. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I only wished that I could have shared it with my father....
Towards the end of last year, we celebrated a year of marriage and four years of dating with a trip to Puerto Rico, which incidentally was such great timing with the power outages that Long Island experienced with Hurricane Sandy and the nor'easter that followed. Somehow it feels like I've known my husband for much much longer than the four years; and our first of year of marriage, despite being impacted by the loss of my father, has been a great first year. And as the days go by, I am more and more amazed at what a perfect partner my husband is for me. And thanks to him the absence of my father is easier to bear.
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| In Los Cabos, November 2011 |
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| In Puerto Rico, November 2012 |
And so 2013 has started. This is a year for changes and new horizons. It feels weird to be done with my dissertation, as much as I looked forward to this day. Now it's job applications and wondering where God will take us next. There is the hope that the changes in store for us for 2013 will be some good ones. That's the wonderful thing about the new year; it feels like a fresh, clean slate with so much hope and anticipation. And of course, I'm looking forward to making more memories with my wonderful husband.
I hope that you too had a wonderful holiday season and are looking forward with hope to the new year.
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